Society

Sometimes I get this from people 

"You are so fat" "why are you so fat" "you are too fat already" 

Joke or no joke it still hurts. For a girl, who wants to be called fat all the time? 

But the question is, am I really THAT fat ? 

After all, according to my BMI I'm in the low normal range. So am I still considered fat? 

Apparently, fats is the layer underneath the skin. And fat is commonly used for people who are overweight. 

So society calls me fat for someone who is normal weight like me. So are they gonna criticise those who are overweight/obese? 

If society thinks I'm fat, is it true that there is no room for people who are above the level of underweight? Must everyone be underweight? 

Different people have different metabolism rate. Every body works differently. If you are skinny, do not expect people around you to be skinny like you.  If your are obese, do not also expect the same thing. 

I am not directly or indirectly saying anyone. But in society. It is true that everyone uses fat to freely without considering others feelings. 

Fat is a sensitive word to people who are not confident with their weight. And it may heavily demoralise them or in another way make them work harder. But everyone works differently. So I suggest people please mind your words. Think before you act. Because some words you say may crush someone or make someone's day brighter. 

On the side note: I will . And I must. Show the people who called me fat. That I will lose my current weight to underweight. It's a statement I live to it. 

True feelings

Only when you lose something you will start to regret and want to cherish it more. Especially when you care for that person.

But from what I see instead of cherishing me more. He ignore me more. 

Means ? He have not cared for me from the start. 

Is it true? 

Maybe. So from now on I should also stop caring. It's tiring. I'm tired. 

The many wonders of love

It may be too early to say this. But at least for now i could say I found my one and only love. 

We quarrel for the most ridiculous stuffs. We enjoy with each other like it was our last day together. 

Both of us have our flaws. But we accept both of it openly. 

Sometimes things may turn to the wrong track. But every time we will get it back on track together. 

I could be unreasonable at time and could learn to be more understanding but he on the other hand should observe more. Haha. True. Relationship should give and take. But both of us are just too stubborn and doesn't want to lose face. Probably that will be an obstacle we both must overcome. 

Dear I really hate quarrelling and I know you do too. 

Lets try our very best to not quarrel anymore and just be a happy go lucky couple. 

And you know I will alway love you. 

Dilemma

Am I really in the wrong? 

Is working such jobs a crime? 

I was just thinking for us, I didn't know my decisions were actually wrong. 

But why won't you understand?

I can only work on weekends, and weekends its the only time you book out. 

Instead of working those morning to evening/night jobs. I choose this type of jobs to be able to spend more time with you; I work while you sleep. 

And do I look like a person who loves working? Nobody likes working. Why do you want me to get those $6/hr jobs with long hours. 

Tell me how long I need to earn $1000? Few months? With alot alot of hours? 

 I don't know if you understand my point of view. But I hope you do. 

Ice skating

Hi!!! I went ice skating last Friday during the holidays! With my sweet boy , suyi and guangwei.
It was my first time ice skating. It was super fun I swear! And that day I didn't had flats to match for my stockings so I wore heels. Everyone was so short except for my boy that was same height as me. Haha!
So I can officially say, ice skating isn't the same as roller blading. It's freaking scary and cold if you fall. Confirm will hurt like shit cause it's ice! And if any bare skin touched the ice it's gonna hurt like shit.
Lucky for me I didn't fall. I skated damn slowly. Haha! Really like a noobie. Lucky I wasn't alone. Gw was equally noobie as me.
But dear was the pro-est out of all of us. So he kinda abandon everyone ): so sad right?!
After skating we went to mbs to meet up with elly, nat and Steffi to like chill. We were suppose to join them for Picnic at marina barrage. But we were busy ice skating. So we didn't make it on time.
And I was double happy when dear and gw brought TWG macarons for me and suyi. I love it so much! Like double sweetness. Thank you dear. I love you. You are the best. many kisses to you!


I only have pictures of my boy during ice skating. Hahaha!!

Stressed out

Sorry for all the emo posts lately.
I have been thinking alot. And it's really really irritating to the max that I could burst any moment any time any where. Must be the hormones and all those thinking that is stressing me out. I know I shouldn't think too much and shouldn't expect too much in life. But sometimes, humans are humans. And we tend to be greedy and unhappy with stuffs we already have.
Yes. I do look on the bright side. But somehow. I don't know why. The dark side seems to empower the bright side. So it's like I have more cons than pros.
Or maybe it's just me being ungrateful for the things happening around me. Really. Sometimes I really have the urge to scold someone and just vent this fucking anger. But it will be really unfair for that person. So I couldn't bring myself to do it. Even if I did, it won't be that big and not everything will come out.
Been keeping lots of things to myself. And maybe this causes the over thinking and the moodiness I had been having. The bottle seems to be exploding. So maybe I may explode to. Just a matter of time.
Why can't I just sit down in a relaxing and quiet place to just have a heart to heart talk to someone and they won't judge or comment. Just listen for hours. And let out all the tears I have been holding in for years. Or maybe I just need a person to ask me daily how was my day, what interesting things happened. I hope I find that person soon. Please.
Sometimes pretending to smile and be happy is really hard

School? Friends? Hmm?

Sometimes I really wonder if what people said were true. "Don't trust your poly friends" , "your true friends are your secondary friends" , "friends first than boyfriend cause when boyfriend leaves friends will always be there" .
This are the many few that I have heard all around.
And it's been interpreting in my head for many times and I came to a conclusion that it could maybe be true. To a certain extend.
Haha! Sounds so complicated . But yes. Life is always complicated (:
So anyway. I totally agree with the boyfriend thing. Like right from the start.
But just to clear things. NOT all friends will be there for you when you break up. Only the handful. I mean, yes they may comfort you. But would they be there for you? Hmm.. I guess not right? They may say, are you ok?! What happen?! Don't sad already luh! His a worthless person! You will find a better one.
But who really comes down, sit with you and talk and just ... Listen?
Not many will.

Don't trust your poly friends? Going to my second year now. And I must honestly say. The right word isn't trust. Yes you can trust your poly friends. What's the differences with poly, secondary, outside, inside, underground wtv friends you have.
They are all your friends. What I found out its, in poly it's really really competitive. Everyone JUDGES. I assure you. EVERYONE. E-V-E-R-Y-O-N-E .
What you wear, how you look, what bag you bring, what make up you use, what shoes you wear, how skinny you are, what school you were from and especially the grades. Omg. I swear to god. The grades the GPA are just the killer to your friendship.
I really don't get it. GPAs are just numbers, like our o levels, mid year exams, end year exams in secondary. Why couldnt we share out gpa openly like all our secondary exams? It's just really weird. Up till now I still wonder.
So what If the person has a high GPA. Or a low GPA? They are still studying the same subjects as you right? Doesn't mean you shouldn't be friends with them. doesn't mean they are not smart. And importantly, it doesn't mean you can judge them. So stop judging!

And like what many says, you do not need many friends in life. Just the ones who are true to you is more than enough. (:
I'm thankful for my IJ friends. And don't judge chij girls, they are just wild and happily more open than many others. I definitely support people who are open minded! Haha.
Okay! Goodbye!

Ending my post with my cutest boyfriend (:

Some random things

Hi !! A little thoughts that was running through my head and I thought maybe it would be funny to write it down. Then when I look back to this post next time I will laugh. Haha !
Had read some of my past post from my previous blog. Yes! It's private. And I forgotten the password for it. ._. But I still can read the post from the blogger app which im using to blog! Super useful !
Oh yes! And I met with Steffi and xiangbei to Malaysia on Monday! Which was also my driving test. i failed so terrible that its a crime to say the number of points I "score".
I have always aim for high marks. So for this test it was kinda of a wrong timing to score a high mark. Hahah!
Met up with mel for interview at mansion, hopefully we both get the job! The pay is really good! If I were to get that job I will be able to earn alot by end of the year. (: means I will be stress free from money! But... The downside is, I have to work Fridays and Saturdays. Means.... My Saturday times to meet boyfriend will be shorten. ):
But hope he understands !
I really need the money for this year. Like major money alarm !
I really really hate working. I mean like who likes it right? My all time wish is to sit home and be a tai tai when I'm married. But.... Seeing my situation. I doubt I'm able to. So my dream of shopping all day, and sleeping in my private house will be faded away, or should I say already long gone. ):
So you can already imagine what I had in mind when I grow up. Atleast a 2 carat ring for proposal ! Diamonds are my best friend! Hehe. Staying in my private house with 3 stories . A walk in wardrobe, with many many clothes and shoes. Omg. I won't even start what my house should look like. This dreams I think abit far fetch with my current situation. So ya... Probably just a wish. (:

Smoking

A really sensitive and subjective post.
With many objections and maybe agreements. Why people smoke? Stress? Fun? Cool? Addictive? I don't really know the reason, everyone has their own.
What I really think is smoking isn't my thing for sure. But I do not disagree with it either, or would I ever agree to it.
From what I hear from people why they started smoking is because of stress.
But what I really want to ask is, stress about what??
Relationships? Work? Study? Money? Friendship? Family? Yes, I agree you can be stress with these things. But... If there are still people able to cope these so called "stress" what makes you so special to be able to subside your "stress" with smoking?
It just don't make sense to me. Really. Someone please enlighten me ?
Unless you tell me you are weak and completely can't handle simple small stress that comes to you and you must puff your way out to make you relieve. Then I have nothing more to say to you. Ok! Maybe just one... You just admitted you are weak (:
So, ok. Some people will tell me that I will never understand what they went through. True. I agree with that because I'm not them. But what I am sure about is that I do go through equal stress level as you in just different situation. So, is smoking really the solution? No. Not to me.

Since I do not smoke, I would ask. In all honest replies. Is smoking really addictive? Or isit just a habit?
I do not agree that smoking is addictive. I mean, is like breathing in thick smoke. How is that even addictive?! It's not even logical. Imagine breathing in thick black smokes from factories. Don't you think it's the same?
If smoking was addictive, won't it make sense if breathing in smoke from smokers addictive too? They are also smoke right? So ya. Nothing really is giving me a right connection to think that smoking is addictive.

Ok. I'm bored of talking about smoking already. It just turns me off. So ya. I'm just gonna end here. Haha!

Adventure cove

Yay! Finally gone to adventure cove on Saturday. We were suppose to go on Friday but it was sold out like 4 days before!! Super scary. Good Friday so fast sold out?!?! And we brought the tickets for so much cheaper than the usual price ! Lucky us ! ^^
Super fun day with dear, suyi and buddy! I love days like this where I'm all day outside without feeling bored a single bit. Like something to get me occupied. Usually I will be the one sitting there and stoning while the rest will be doing something. Not really to my liking. Cause I will be rotting and thinking about random stuffs and mostly stuffs that are not really that good. Hahha! Usually I will think until like super epic and serious kind. So somehow you can say I'm prepared for the worst? Since I always think of stuffs like that. Hahaha! :P so if you see me stoning means in thinking of serious things that you guys should snap me out from.
Ok. Sorry for being weird or if that freaks you out or whatever. anyway, the queues at adventure cove were freaking ridiculously long. So yes, we didn't play all the rides. The long queues really turns me off ! Even though I wanted to take it. Lucky for us, the weather was really really kind! It wasn't as freaking hot as I expected or rainy. I didn't get suntan surprisingly. And I'm really great full for that. The worst part of swimming and being outdoors is getting suntan and all sweaty. That's for me luh. But for some people maybe they will think its cool to be tan? But NO! Not to me. I really hate getting tan, on other people maybe yes. But on my skin, it's a nono. Because i really feel dark skin really don't suit me! Plus im always out late at night. What if I want to take a picture, and flash isn't to my liking. Then I so tan, can't even see my face in the photo. Really very xia suey one. Haha! And plus to me, girls should be white! Because it looks pure? And somehow Chio? And have the princess feel? No?
Ever heard of Snow White? Ya! She is white isn't it?! Tsk! So you get my point right?!
Anyway we saw elly there too, like so coincidence we went on the same day. (: Singapore is really small. This is why I'm always complaining to go overseas! Ahh! Now you feel my pain right?! >:(

So anyway. My Good Friday was not really well spent ): really really bad.
Dear was suppose to bring me to ice skating, but it was like the queue really ...-.- not as bad as adventure cove, but still bad. Really... ): imagine all the small kids skating pro-ly. And I'm the super noob person falling every step I take, super no face. And what if some kiddo skate infront on me and I fall flat on them. That will really hurt. Not to me maybe to the kid luh. Haha! Then dear will confirm say I fat. ); so you see I'm always bullied by him . Like 24/7, no meet got meet also bully until I hands down. Serious one.
PLUS, I had like pms mode on. And i somehow threw my urge to just attitude someone to my boy. Soo... Ya..... He wasn't in the right mood either. So both of us were like, floating luh. Like wandering around to where to go like some wandering ghost. But still ! I got to eat my laoban promised by him! After that I happy already. Moral of the story? To make me happy, give me beancurd. HAHA.

Pms

Yeah hell right. In pms mode now. OMG like wtf. Suddenly I get so pissy over a small thing that I won't get pissed about. Ahh! Hate this feeling. Like totally not right at all. That's right. Totally in a conflict with myself. Ok! Whatever. I shall just sleep. Probably this only last for awhile.

Cathay race

So.... If anyone who's reading should just know that I didn't won the race. Bloody hell the people cheated luh please. I thought it was suppose to be a fucking fair race. But NO. They didn't play fair of course win luh. What the fuckery fuck was that. So anyway..... After we found out that they cheated we got so pissed off and had totally no mood to do the race already. But still we were not quitter ok! We completed it. And I'm pretty sure we came last place. HAHAHAHA! So ya. I got myself tan for nothing. But to look at the bright side. I didn't spend my day at home rotting. (:
And thank you dear. For being there with me even though you seems to be bored ):
And yay ! Advantage cove on Saturday. I wonder if my Friday will be boring.
This holiday is the boring-est holiday I ever had. Like seriously no joke at all. Probably because I'm always broke and always hanging out with my boy at home ): so yes. I have been locked up between 4 walls almost everyday in my holiday. Please forgive me for being bored of if.

Best things happening

Oh hi! This is really a random post but Im 100% sure no one is reading my blog because everyone thinks its dead and suggest me to close it down. But... NO. Hahaha.
I think this space of mine is useful in times like this where I just pop out from no where and just want to write some stupid things on it. :D this may become a really holy post.
Anyway.....
It's holiday now. And I got my result. It's as shitty as the previous term I must say.
Wth. I got the same GPA. So my GPA is not moving at all. Like what the shit is this?!
Okay. It's over... Whatever~
I'm working now! On Fridays, where I was urged to quit the job by my mum. But obvious NO. I didn't. Haha.
Because Im saving saving saving for something really big for my boy.
Hopefully I'm able to save that sum of money. If not I will just maybe drown myself in the sea crying why I didn't save enough. So ya... My life is sad cause I'm not rich. ):
So probably I need about 2k for his surprise. So pray that I have that sum of money by July. Ya. That would only happen if god throws money from the sky down to me )': anyway I'm just gonna pray alright. No harm praying right. Maybe one day I would like strike lottery or something, although I don't buy it. D:
But you never know right?!
Oh yes! I'm also saving up to go DRX clinic to get flawless skin. Oh yes! My long wish is finally gonna be fulfilled by this year. Woo! I'm gonna be a happy child soon. Maybe not a child... But a happy adult ! Hehe.
But on the downside. I probably need to save like the max 1k for it? So yes, this brings me back to the same question. Why wasn't I born rich?! Like a freaking rich ass with money to just throw around to the homeless. WHY WHY WHY !?!?!?


Enough of all the money talking and saving plans.
It's time I should really thank god for giving me someone special in my life. Probably his the one, or not. But Im wishing he is though.
Never felt the same way or I must say even better since the year 2008.
I don't know.. Maybe I have grown up. And I know who is good or bad. But I must say, although his not the ideal type that I was looking for I still enjoy his company and actions he have done for me. He may not be rich where we will go out to expensive restaurant everyday, but he do cook for me. We may not celebrate anniversary like other couples do but we treat everyday with each other special. He may appear unromantic but i know that he love me and he do sometimes can be romantic like once in a blue moon sending long Sweet messages, singing, teasing each other.
I don't ask for much in this relationship because like what everyone says "love is blind"
And yes, I totally agree with that now.
I was sceptic at first about this phase. But after this, I must really confess. Love is really blind. Everyone who knows me would ask me the same question. "I thought his not the type you one".
I myself can't even answer that question.
I kept wondering but I couldn't find the answer. That's when I know yes. Love is really blind, and have blinded many others in either the good or the bad ways.
But I must say, it has blinded me in a good way. Because if you were to ask how much to a scale of 1-10 how much I love him. I will say infinity. No numerical number to specify how much I love him.
Yes, I may not be a perfect girl to him, and there might be a prettier, sexier, smarter or the ideal girl he can have. But I'm lucky for now he choose me. And I hope it will always remain that way.
This part of the post sound so mushy. But this is what I really feel. And I thank god for placing him in my life. Whether to be good or bad I still thank God , because this relationship really impacted me alot , emotionally, physically and even mentally. Like what I have always told myself, why didn't I met him earlier. Haha! But if you think it another way, if I were to met him earlier, I would not appreciate him like how I do now. So probably god made my other ex as my lessons before he send my boy to me to really appreciate him. Thank you for all the lessons. I did learnt alot. And thank you dear for being the nicest boyfriend so far. I hope it stops here. (:
I love you.


The first ever picture with my boy: